Stop Self Sabotage & Beating Yourself Up

Self Sabotage. The cycle can be endless. Do you beat yourself up over little things? Big things? Everything? 

Many women self sabotage. I hear of this behavior often. Women that are doing a great job at keeping it all together.  Doing their best to create the life or career they desire.  Women like you and me.  Women who are seekers of clarity and motivated to go what they want.

So why the constant self sabotage and beating yourself up?  In a moment, I will share some easy suggestions that will help put a stop to it and share huge negative impact if you do not.

I recently went thru a little berating self sabotage because I didn’t get something done.  Why the hell was I doing this to myself?   Beating myself up for not getting something done was completely draining to my energy and caused far too much negative emotion.

How exhausting and what a waste of energy.  I mean, we get busy, we do forget things right? It happens…

I have big goals and do pretty good at staying on task.  I have alot going on with weekly sessions with coaching clients, a mastermind group, in-person and online meetings on a regular basis, I’m in a program that requires daily participation, I have my daily routines of self care…etc.  All these things really fulfill me.

Then there are the dentist and doctor’s appointments, hot yoga and all personal care rituals. that stuff was making it onto my schedule too and I was doing it.  Energy is great here.

But then it happened.  Last week I missed something. 

I left it in my head and never got it into my calendar.  I didn’t block out a time and say, "For these 15 minutes I am .. " Instead I kept on thinking about it when I couldn’t do anything about it.  I’d remember when I was driving.  When I was in line at Whole Foods.  When I was in the shower.  When I was falling asleep.

Can you relate?

So what happened here?  I ended up putting a lot of mental energy towards this specific task.  I was expending energy throughout my day.  Always having this in the back of my mind but never having the space to do it.  This has been going on for over a week.  Yikes.  One week of energy wasted trying to remember this and then beating myself up when I did not.  

Talk about a downward spiral of self sabotage!

Now let’s be clear – it doesn’t matter what the thing is.   It could have easily been making a phone call.  Paying a bill.  Answering an email.  Working out.  The list can go on. But often these little things that are quick to finish may sit and linger in our minds instead.  They start to control us.  And they don’t get done. For me, I this is because I didn’t schedule it in my calendar.  Super simple solution… to an annoying energy drain.

But wait, there s more.  When we beat ourselves up over small things or ANYTHING  – we are imprinting in our soul how we are a failure.   You’ve got to hear this.

When we beat ourselves up we are saying things like:

• You are stupid
• You are so unorganized
• You are never going to be successful
• You are not smart enough to make it happen

Let me go a little further and explain it to you this way….

Did you know that 95% of what we create in our life comes from our subconscious mind?  The autopilot, habitual way of being.   The programmed beliefs we live out. The part of us that runs in the background of our mind and carries out the path of the experiences we have.  This is what I really mean by the self sabotage.  We have created a cycle of the beating up to linger on and hurt us far beyond a few minutes of personal vindiction.

(the late Wayne Dyer talks about this in the book – Wishes Fulfilled.  I highly recommend this by the way.)

And therefore – ONLY 5% of what we create in our life comes from our conscious mind or the actions we take to make them happen.

When we beat ourselves up – we are programming our future and ourselves :

• for more failure,
• for more energy drain
• or more forgetfulness
• for more of what we do not want

Surely, we want to look at all of our ways of being, how we talk to ourselves, how we relate to others, our motivation, our resistance to new ideas, our feelings, emotions, ….

But right now we are taking about beating ourselves up unnecessarily.  It has to stop.

What are some ways to implement positive reinforcement instead?

Plan your life, know what you want and add positive people and support tools all around you.

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• Need to get things done? Find a time where you know you can do it.  If it’s paying a bill – put it on the calendar to do the task when you are at home, since you’re more likely to have the information you’ll need.   And set a reminder to alert you before your scheduled time to do the task.

• Need some clarity so you feel good about your decisions?  Ask.  Let yourself receive support.  There are many resources, groups, mentors or information online.  Stop beating yourself up for not knowing the answer. Be on a mission to find it. 

• Is life kind of tough right now? If so, it's time to do something different.  If you keep doing the same thing you will keep getting the same results.  As I mentioned, it is primarily about our mindset and our beliefs that create our reality.  Learn about the universal laws and how this impacts you and how you can use it to your greatest advantage. 

• Negative thoughts filling your head?  Reframe them right now by recalling 5 awesome things you have done in your life, giving yourself credit for what you have accomplished today, remember something super funny or fun, embody love feelings for someone or something and let it fill you up.

Stop beating yourself up for:

• Forgetting something
• For not having the perfect job or amount of money you desire
• For not having the relationship or friends or clients you deserve
• For not having the education or experience others have
• For not knowing how to do, have or understand
• For being overweight, underweight, short, tall, freckled, tan ..or looking like YOU

Stop creating what you don’t want.  Stop wasting your time, your energy, your life.

It’s a new day. 

I am making a new choice and I choose:

• To forgive me
• To love me
• To learn what I need
• To go move forward
• I can have it all and it doesn’t have to hurt

I've got something to help you too.  It's called Queen coaching.  A program desigened for the crazy, overwhelming and confusing life we often lead.  Sometimes we get stuck.  But you know what?  Personal support helps women in transition between the status quo and playing up to you fullest potential.  We can make that happen for you….. See more here.

With love,

Teresa Salhi

Empowerment Coach & Law of Attraction Trainer

Success programs for women in career, love and life.