Letting Go of a Past Relationship
A past relationship can be one of the hardest things to let go. There are many things we may need to release those can be at the top of the list. You likely already know this if you’ve experienced an ending that you wanted or maybe not. Either way, they take a while to process and move on.
I put together a list of 8 personal activities that helped me to let go of an 8+ year relationship. I gained clarity, let go of hurt and moved on in a positive way. I now relish in what I learned through my experience and how it has helped me to grow as a woman.
1. I had to figured out what I learned from the experience to help me develop a sense of closure. I spent time with my journal making a list of all positive and not so good qualities I possessed in the relationship. I also noted what I learned from . It was really healing to write them out and read over with an open mind.
2. Writing a letter. Once again I took out my journal (if you don’t have one I highly recommend getting one it is so helpful in many ways) and I wrote a letter to my ex clarifying my feelings and expressing the good, the bad and things that were left unsaid. It it helped me come to terms with the reality that it was over. I never sent the letter and it can be up to you if you choose to do so.
3. Remembering all of it, good and bad. I read the book Eat Pray Love and watched the movie countless times something the author said really resonated with me “It’s ok to love someone, remember the good times and then let the thought go.” This meant it was okay for me to remember the moments in our life, acknowledge them and then let go. It helped a lot.
4. Visualized a single me. I would prepare a bubble bath with some lavender oil and a glass of wine and just daydream about all the wonderful things I could do as a single woman. For me, traveling was important and I so loved it! I would picture myself as the person I was before my relationship confident, happy, spontaneous and excited about life.
5. Rewarded me. When I made progress in moving on by deleting old pictures, emails, texts and belongings. I would do something nice for myself like a pedicure, spa treatment, coffee or a new shirt what ever made me happy at that moment.
6. Wrote a nice message for myself. I took a bright pink lipstick and wrote “I give you my light and love,” across the top part of my mirror as something positive that I could read to myself every day.
7. Replaced my emotional thoughts with facts. Instead of telling myself I would never be loved again I would resist that feeling and tell myself something really positive instead like “I had a really good yoga practice yesterday” or “good job on that work out last night.”
8. When feeling down. I would call up my friends and family so I could engage in fun activities surrounded by people who love and care about me.
I hope these tips are helpful. Letting go of anything takes times, especially letting go of a past relationship and someone who was a part of your life. It may not be the easiest thing but you can do it and you can learn so much about yourself and life in the process.
“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace, If you let go alot you will have a lot of peace.”
-Chah Ajahn
Story shared by Ms.Shayla
You may also like a popular home study course at Empower the Dream – The Feminine Art of Manifesting Big Love. It is awesome and helpful for any stage of a relationship. Enjoy!
These would be helpful tips for a friend of mine who had a break up a couple of months ago. Well, we have all been there…but with the afterthought it is always easier to be wise. So I am not very helpful for the moment for her there…
Teresa – Your list is excellent, and not just for the ending of a male/female relationship. Except # 4, & 7 above, with just a little tweaking, I could apply every one of your therapies to my bumpy relationship with my adult son. Also, (except #4 & 7) the therapies could apply to the loss of a job, etc. #’s 5-8 are the things that should be second nature to us – if we get a small cut, we should put on a bandaid. If we feel un-worthwhile, we should reward ourselves, write a nice message to ourselves … The problem, of course, is that we tend not to. Thanks for the excellent reminder.
Since, we’re spilling our guts on past relationships, I was dumped by the fiance for the minister’s daughter. When I suspected something was up, my mother took me to the best psychic she knew. When he came to break up, he was dumbfounded that I knew her name and other details. Sweet revenge. The best part was when I came to realize that had I married him, I would have divorced him. He never left his small town, and I travelled the world. No regrets.
Oh dear – what an incredible story Joyce. Sounds like you were definitely guided in the right direction!
Definately agree with you Teresa that sometimes it can be very difficult to let go, but your tips will help to make it much easier to do so 🙂 Great post!
Some relationships take longer to heal than others. And then if there are children or young adults, etc. My x & I parted more amicably than I expected & he wanted to be at my wedding to Herb, 17 years ago. I recently saw the movie “Eat, Pray Love” & enjoyed reading it. It reminded me of a wise statement a good friend told me. Never invalidate the good in a past relationship. All that happened is it ended. Don’t sully it.
Love the ending quote you shared, Teresa! Yes, ending a relationship can be challenging, especially when one of the parties doesn’t want to let go and continues to make your life “miserable”. I think at different ages, we have more tools in our emotional tool chest and your suggestions are all lovely ways to focus on ourselves and nurture our soul. As a writer, I know writing can be a good way, although often it is cerebral. I healed through art. And music has always been so healing for me as well. For each of us, it is about finding our own way and experiencing the feelings we are feeling to see what they have to teach us, before we hopefully let them go for good!
All great pieces of advice. I think the journey is a bit different for all of us and we need to find what resonates with us in order to let go. I too believe in the power of writing, especially if there is no chance of ever being able to confront the person
Thanks for being here Lisa!
All great tips, Teresa. I ended an 18-year relationship but he still haunted my dreams.So I took the bull by the horns: The first thing I did was to see if he was still alive (he’d been pretty heavy into alcohol when we parted ways, and later was doing crack, I was told) and if so, where he was living so I could talk to him. All those efforts failed. So one night, I poured myself a glass of champagne, raised it to the heavens and said, “I apologize for my part in the failure of our marriage. I appreciate everything you did for me, and all that you taught me, and I release you from my life.” Then I chugged the champagne. 😉 That was 20 years ago and I haven’t dreamed about him since.
Wow, that is powerful Jackie. I believe we are ready, set our intentions in the right directions we can then incorporate our own ritual. You found yours and it worked.
Just a wonderful post, Teresa. I love all the tips–the ones I’ve used have really worked. But I love most of all: “Replaced my emotional thoughts with facts.” Now, that’s a powerful prescription! How often we get stuck in emotions that aren’t real. Beautiful!
Thank you Susan, I am pleased you enjoyed the article AND found the ones that have worked for you.
Facebook can make it challenging to leave some of the past in the past. I have worked hard in my life to move forward with my most positive relationships. Remembering the good and the bad was smart advice because it’s the way to help us move past the worst and onto something better.
Yes, I so much agree. Thank you Meghan for commenting and sharing your experience.
This is a beautiful post, Teresa. I wish I had read it back when I needed your excellent suggestions. I am happy to say that I am long past the need to work at letting go and am celebrating 15 wonderful years with my soulmate this summer. The quote, “If you let go a little, you will have a little peace, If you let go alot you will have a lot of peace.” is a gem.
Congratulations Beth! I am glad you enjoyed the article and quote.
I love writing a letter to your ex and yourself. It works great. I have done this before. Great advice.
Thank you Sabrina.
Some great tips, Teresa. My last romantic letting-go was over 25 years ago, but friendship letting-go is something I can use.
Yes, you can use the suggestions for other relationships too.
Wow.. this is recent… I just had to go to child support court to deal with the ex.. and well, because he is 25k behind from just the last 3 years, I can’t write his arse off for many more years… then there is my mother who stabs me in the back when it comes to tough love for my oldest daughter, haven’t spoken to her since (November) since I have nothing to say or apologize for since she is the party to blame, at fault and the one with the issue.. I’ve washed my hands.. and well, I have one more year til my youngest is out and I won’t have to deal with her at all…. but hey, a couple more years and those 2 past relationships will be nothing but a memory.
Woah girl..so much going on but sounds like you have a grip on it and a process that is working for you..and that is really all that matters.
I have.. and I am getting there…. time heals. Thanks!
These are good tips Teresa and I especially like that you encourage readers to remember both the good and the bad, because it’s awfully easy to forget there was a reason the relationship didn’t make it.
Personally, I had no problem moving on after my divorce and I know a big part of that was the fact that the marriage should have ended a few years earlier and by the time it finally did we were both so exhausted it was a relief to move on.
Yes, sometimes we just know and that knowing allows us a smoother transition. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts too.