"What do you need to make you happy? What are the ingredients you require?” A question I asked one of my girlfriends recently. Her answer? A beautiful, blank smile with a shrug of her shoulders.
She had no idea what she wanted or what she associated with happiness or pleasure. That was me at one point too.
What about you? Do you know what gives you pleasure and makes you happy? Think about it for a minute. What is happiness for you?
- Do you associate it with a feeling?
- Or is it the capacity to love without fear?
- Do you associate happiness and pleasure with things or people?
- Do you expect someone else to make you happy?
Are these questions a bit difficult to answer – as they were for my friend? I’ve been wondering if finding or understanding happiness should really be so difficult. What does it say about us when our society requires a library full of books on happiness – and yet many of us are unable to articulate our personal expressions of what happiness is.
Maybe this so called search for happiness is not the real issue. Maybe we are finding the ingredients of happiness difficult to articulate, to achieve and to sustain because we have somehow become at odds with this force of nature. Isn't it supposed to be organic and with a flow of blissful, natural energy?
I have learned and sometimes even painfully – that the quality of life is in direct proportion to your commitment to it. It is not an advanced level of intelligence that is required to attract a higher state of joy but rather it is simply to develop the disciplines that will guide your transformation, you can learn to use the power within you to attract and be all that you deserve and imagine.
The truth is being a woman of joy is not complicated. It may not be easy for some – however it is simple. It merely takes understanding, awareness, practice and movement in the direction toward it. The reason that some of us think that acquiring more pleasure in our lives is difficult is because it is has become a habitual belief. It is what we have been taught to believe. Whether you believe it right now or not or have ever experienced abundant joy, you must at least consider this -happiness and joy are your birthright – you were born happy. It has only been thru experiences since birth that you may have been swayed away from your birthright of joy and of your truth.
Yet we are not all living currently from this state and we are living in a society that is focused on something quite the opposite. Many people have dedicated themselves to examining women’s problems and although there is a place for therapists, weight loss centers, debt counselors and so forth – there is just too much focusing on our unhappiness.
I invite you to refrain from getting sucked into the unhappy syndrome that is smothered all over the media and rather let this be your time to anchor in a new belief, intention and commitment. One of loving the life you have and extracting out every juicy drop of sweetness.
Consider these common scenarios that we often experience:
Do you…
- Feel like life is passing you by?
- Pour time and energy into making others happy, but rarely have any energy left over for you?
- Continue to wait for your knight in shining armour to save you?
- Hear that life is about passion but most days you barely have enough passion to get out of bed?
- Have the idea that fun is watching the next episode of Bachelorette?
- Feel bored to death with your job but don’t have the confidence to go out and find a new one?
- Confuse achieving goals with receiving joy?
- Quietly meditate and Ohmmm through a spiritual practice and forget that you could also be dancing, celebrating, laughing?
- Sometimes avoid looking in the mirror?
If any of this is familiar, welcome to the territory.
Every new experience confronts us with choices, and our everyday choices are no exception. If you choose the path of least resistance – as in a lazy way – then you will continue on a course that can be self-destructive. And you will grow old with little grace and little joy.
But if you claim for yourself another possibility, as with anything else, you open the door for amazing opportunities to show up. There is a way with little resistance, yes a way that isn’t laziness but eagerness and it is inviting you to flow into the life you are secretly yearning. We can live our lives either responding to our circumstance or taking an active role and create it with some real passion – life does get better, in fact it can go beyond better – it can be downright delicious!
Set new intention to expand your beliefs. Open up a new awareness of your own magnificence, kick pity out the door, implement new ways to add bliss to your everyday- and yes, even learn ways to love some of the things that you now hate.
"If you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always got"
It’s time to stop thinking something is wrong with you, or comparing yourself to others. So stop judging yourself as not measuring up – this all weighs on your confidence, your self acceptance and self love. Because that my dear, is the path of self destruction, self sabotage!
If you don’t know who you are, what you want, where you are going or conscious of how you are 'being' – then the foundation will weaken and crumble over time. Which will feel as if you have failed yourself and others.
However, as women we have amazing abilities and power to create so much wonder in the world. We must believe. We must show up, open the door and say yes to the dance!
When joy is lacking from your life you don’t even notice that another year has gone. The reality is you are getting pushed back further and further from what you are truly here to be, to do or to have.
- Joy is your building block of self esteem – of self love.
- Joy enhances, Improves and ignites juicy relationships.
- Joy catapults success – at work, it’s motivating and inspiring to others.
- Joy keeps you going – gives you energy and you feel alive.
And loving yourself is just as important. Love is a necessary place for joy and pleasure to breed. You feel good about you, treat yourself well – very well – talk nice to yourself, love your body, acknowledge and honor your abilities, believe in your strengths and you are tapped in and tuned on to your feminine power.
When you do these things, you not only rise to the occasion but you raise others up and you continually raise the quality of your life.
Your pleasure is the burning ember to your feminine essence. This feeling of pleasure that will spark the fire within, motivate you to stay true to who you are.
Pleasure may very well be one of the greatest untapped resources on the planet.
Set this intention now, the intention to embody new ways to source your power and pleasure in the creation of your life – from this point to forever. It is yours to be had!
P.S. Remember you are not alone here. At some point every woman needs a re-boost of happiness, clarity, confidence and a new plan to get her back to where she's shining her light bright and making a difference in the lives she touches. However, many women are better at giving than receiving – and the truth is – that is where the unhappiness often starts to set in. It can get hard, confusing and draining of her inner spirit for for far too long. Please allow yourseslf to receive what you need so you keep on the journey of evolvment for the purpose you are here to share. I believe a woman is a Queen and she deserves to receive, as well as, lead like one. Queen coaching is what I call it. Ready to give it a try?
With love,
Teresa Sal
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Teresa, you covered so many strategic points. Where you wrote “Maybe this so called search for happiness is not the real issue. Maybe we are finding the ingredients of happiness difficult to articulate, to achieve and to sustain because we have somehow become at odds with this force of nature.” made me think more deeply about hapiness for me. Perhaps I’m more at odds than I care to admit and it’s now something I want to meditate on more deeply. Thank you for a very deep and moving post.
That is wonderful Joyce, I love how you are taking the time to seek within for your answers.
Teresa – great post. I think that when working at happiness (weight loss, education, ad infinitum), what we do most days affects us more than what we do every once in a while. I think that we have to pay attention to our happiness DAILY. Also, I hold the unpopular opinion that we are not the only people responsible for our happiness. When we acquire a spouse and children, we are, at least in part, responsible for their happiness, as well (and vice-versa). Here’s to happiness!!
It really is a big topic to take on, Joan, and find the right place that we feel happy and contribute what feels right to another or acceptance of another’s role in our own.
What makes me happy? What a great question! I know better than to rely on others to make me happy; I know it has to come from within. Lately, however, I have been so stressed out that I have lost touch with what makes me happy. Thanks for the goose…I’ll ponder that!
You ponder darling Jackie but keep it on the heart side of pondering and not as much in the head space – I know you know what I mean. (wink)
Great post Teresa 🙂 I guess this is one way of looking at how we can bring more joy and pleasure into our lives……loved your tips as I know they will help us tap into those actions we need to take to bring us more happiness 🙂
Thanks for sharing your valuable tips 🙂
You are very welcome Joan!
Years ago I learned exactly what you are saying, I am responsible for my own happiness & I create my life. How freeing and as a result I love my life. You have so many good points in this piece.
Awesome, thanks Roslyn!
This is such an optimistic way to look at the possibilities of our lives, Teresa. Reading this reminded me of a school I have heard about in New York, called Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, where the key principle that everything revolves around is…pleasure. It seems to work for everyone who commits to do the course. It is intensive and requires travelling to NY to participate over a five month period, I believe.
The idea of pleasure or fun to me, has always revolved around learning new things…accomplishing things in my life. I’ve never really associated it with the physical realm and know that pleasure must live on all levels of our being. I know as we move through our life cycles, our focus does change from “me” to “others” and ultimately there is great pleasure in being of service and helping others. It’s an interesting topic and one I continue to explore for myself too. Thanks for sharing your own insights and experiences!
Those are the things that often pleasure me the most too, Beverley. Thanks for sharing and moving together in our journey of delight, service and exploration.
I love the positivity in this post and the practical advice, especially find new ways to love the things you now hate. If we can find the joy in all that we do, then life becomes the adventure it should be.
Yes to a grand adventure Tami!
I most resonate with:
Do you associate happiness and pleasure with things or people?
Do you expect someone else to make you happy?
I associate happiness with doing things with others or food/ritas.. being with people.. so I won’t say I expect others to make me happy, but in a round about way… sort of. urgh
Well, I don’t believe we are meant to be here alone – what would be the point. So, happiness alongside others makes sense to me too Kristen! 🙂
I love this post. It is a great reminder to not settle for anything just because. We need to move forward and move through anything that stops us. We are strong beings and this post reminds us of that. Thank you.
Yes for sure, thank you Sabrina.
I love the line “Kick pity out the door” or did you say window? Doesn’t matter; just get rid of that mindset. Being willing to accept happiness and pleasure is a big change for a lot of women, strange though that is.
That is a truth for many women for sure Beth – I hope to help as many as I can find there place of authentic happiness.
Isn’t it funny how we think thoughts habitually and then believe them to be Truths! But as you’re saying, we can think a new thought, a new possibility, and have that become Truth as well.
This is simply brilliant, Teresa: “the quality of life is in direct proportion to your commitment to it.”
So true! Love this!
I feel more inspired reading your comments – thank you Susan.
‘But if you claim for yourself another possibility, as with anything else, you open the door for amazing opportunities to show up’. Love this. I have been doing that as it is amazing what opportunities have been showing up. This is a wonderful reminder for me.
Oh it so feels good to receive some validation of being on path that is right..I appreciate your comments and reflection back Chantal.
For the most part of my life I did expect someone to make me happy. In the past few years I’ve learned that the only person who can truly make me happy is me. Since then I’ve become a much stronger and fulfilled person. It’s so empowering too because I don’t have control over other people, but I do over myself.
I know, I know – when we can let go – it brings us to a higher perspective ….thanks Mui.
The toughest hurdle most women have to overcome is accepting that they have the power and ability to create their own life experience. No one else can empower us, we empower ourselves and it begins by choosing to be responsible for our own life. Thanks for this terrific message and inspiration!
Yes so true Marquita – sometimes it takes a lifetime for a woman to really feel her personal power but oh so worth it. Thank you!