Have you ever experienced conversations where your words and meaning came out all wrong? Where your conversations was more hurtful than inspiring. Either the other person misunderstood what you meant or you did not effectively communicate what you meant?
Both of these scenarios can be so frustrating!
When these conversations happen, we end up feeling numb, confused and even hurt. These feelings can result for both parties as there is a huge road block in the harmonious connection that could have happened. We often end up spending more time trying to explain what we really meant which just exacerbates the situation.
Has this ever happened to you?
There are several examples of difficult converstions we could use here, but let’s use an example of one about helping someone (friend, co-worker or loved one) get past feelings of anger or disappointment.
Most of us want to help those we care about and this scenario has likely come up. Our intentions are usually from the heart but we may not be fully connected to what is going on and we even make unfortunate assumptions. Therefore, the conversation goes awry and ends up in a place far beyond where it started for where it was intended to go.
If we are giving advice to another person, we may un-intentionally be doing it in a way that makes them feel as if we don’t know or understand them or it's not even wanted. We may be suggesting they do something different to get over the situation. Perhaps our advice comes across as they handled it wrong in the first place.
We tell ourselves that we are only giving this advice because we care and understand. However, they don’t understand what we are saying or why we are saying and they either; don’t pay much attention to us or they feel personally attacked and even angered as to why we are telling them that they did something wrong. UGH.
The truth is, when we see or feel something is wrong in another, it is quite likely that it is within us. Just maybe we are the ones that have the problem that we are trying to fix in them. It’s not like we do this on purpose, we mean no harm and we truly believe we are offering valuable advice to help them.
People and situations in our life will show up as mirror reflection to who we are on the inside.
And here is a big aha...we could be projecting our own issue onto to them subconsciously so we can help fix it. We don’t actually want them to have a problem, but we want to fix what we perceive is their problem, all while not owning it as ours.
Perhaps in closer relationships we see it as our duty to help fix it, taking control and doing the right thing. This problem becomes noticeable to us because we are carrying the same inside yet not fully aware and even pushing it aside. We think we are seeing this in others when in fact; we are the ones with the real issue and we even think we are seeing them as unhappy or frustrated when it is us.
Another scenario is they may have encountered a situation that caused them to harbor these feelings and we are truly perceiving them accurately. It is these common feelings that have become our connecting fiber which brought us together. This is what is taught in the quantum physic energy called the law of attraction. Like attracts like. We are ‘vibrating’ at the same frequency and have matching energies or feelings within both of us.
At the time of the conversation, we are often not aware this is happening. It may not be until later, if at all, that we begin to contemplate and understand what really transpired.
To avoid conversations that lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings, we can practice ‘letting go’ and ’personal awareness’. When we let go of trying to have all the answers for someone else or that it is up to us to fix and make things better that we can we really begin to see the real picture. Letting go of control of another can actually help us to find our way into what we need for ourselves.
The next time a difficult conversation turns out too ugly and painful or, at the very least, confusing. Ask yourself a few questions.
- What could I have done better in that conversation?
- Was I projecting something onto them that is really what I need to look at within me?
- Did I ask them questions and listen to their answers?
- Or did I just tell them what I thought they needed?
- And, how can I learn and grow because of this situation?
With those answers you will have an opportunity to expand yourself and improve upon what is needed.
Every day we have opportunities to grow personally. We have the choice to learn from our mistakes and our successes; we have the choice to learn from everything and everyone that comes into our life. That is the way our world is designed and really the way we created it to be.
When we truly embrace this, we will have conversations that inspire and personal connections that are heartfelt and long lasting….that is what makes it all worthwhile!