No matter how apocalyptic a split between spouses may seem, you need to keep in mind that life doesn’t end after a divorce. Sure, this horrifying event may mark an end of an era, yet, when one door closes another one opens and soon, it will be time for you to turn a new page. The problem with this particular idea, on the other hand, lies in the fact that most people feel let down, betrayed or outright hurt, which means that the next person that comes along might face more than they’ve bargained for. This kind of emotional baggage is never easy to deal with, yet, where there’s will, there’s always a way. So, here are some tips on how dating after divorce can help you grow.
1. Expressing dating goals doesn’t make you look desperate
A lot of people enter relationships cautiously, which should double-down for people who’ve just undergone a messy divorce. In truth, you need to do the opposite and express your dating goals as plainly and clearly as possible. Keep in mind that a person you’re dating won’t know where you’re at unless they have a similar previous experience. So, they might be in doubt of whether both of you have the same attitude towards the relationship. Most fear that being so open about these deep emotional matters makes them look desperate, when, in truth, it makes them appear confident and, therefore, more attractive.
2. Explore other mediums
One of the problems that people have, right after the marriage is the inability to get back into the game. Keep in mind that you probably haven’t been single in a while (years or even decades), this means that you’ll have trouble flirting, talking to or even meeting potential romantic interests. This is why more and more people in this situation decide to go through dating agencies. In this way, they can meet people in a similar situation and establish a first-contact in the digital environment. No matter how cold or alienating this may sound, it’s quite handy while you’re still out of touch. According to experts from a dating agency in Sydney, this is a place for people to find like-minded partners, as well as those who are tired of game-players.
3. Don’t be afraid to admit you have vulnerabilities
Like everything else, your vulnerabilities are a part of who you are. Hiding them would mean hiding one of your character features, which is never a healthy thing to do in a relationship. You need someone who can accept you for who you are at the moment, not someone who’ll stay with you long enough to mold you into what they believe they need or deserve. Remember, not putting yourself first might be what has gotten you into this mess in the first place. In other words, every previous experience is a lesson and you should never be afraid of what you’ve learned.
4. Set some me-time
Finally, it’s not healthy to try to fill the gap left by someone who you’ve just lost by merely putting someone else in their place. The surplus of time and energy you have at the moment needs to be better managed and directed towards something that makes the most sense – improving yourself. Set some me-time and in this way make enough room between you and your new partner for both to breathe and develop. Some people adopt a new hobby (that they do by themselves), others even find meditation to be beneficial to their dating life. Regardless of what you choose, it’s vital that you keep some time for yourself, not just during the initial stages of the relationship but later on, as well.
In conclusion
As you can see, while a new relationship may help you grow, most of the effort still has to be done on your own. Sure, your new partner may be full of support, love and understanding, yet, this doesn’t negate the fact that you need to be the one to do all the emotional heavy-lifting. The reason we fall is to get back on our feet better and stronger. Needless to say, this is the only mindset that can push you forward when going gets tough.
Audrey Taylor was born in San Francisco, and moved to Adelaide at the age of five. Marketer researcher and social media manager on hold, full – time mommy of a cheerful two-year-old. Graduated from Queensford college, worked in a couple of marketing agencies across Australia, eager to learn more about business and share her experiences. Traveled across Europe. Her hobbies include: home decor, fashion, travel, music, old movies.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/theaudreyworld
Visit Empower The Dream for more resources, programs and private success coaching for big dreamin’ women who are eager to close the gap from where they are to where they really want to be. ~Teresa Salhi
Join our new Facebook Group, I AM Power of She.
[…] woman moving through divorce may not simply need help dating again or setting goals. She may need to rebuild her identity after years of defining herself through […]