Are You A Control Freak?

Are you getting what you want by being a control freak? Yikes!

Do you have 'control' tendencies? Many of us do and we don’t even know it. This happens so often with women. We have a natural tendency to help and take care of others but, unfortunately, it often turns into too much control of everything except our own life.

It can also be the price tag we put on our value. Do you feel you earn your importance by being in control of others? Does it make you happy, are you really getting what you want?

The need to control is reflected in the words, actions and even the thoughts we have. 

Imagine coming to a fork in the road.
The path on the left is dark and dreary, it's raining, muddy and the wind is blowing. The path on the right is well paved, the sun is shining, the air is warm, breezy and sweet.
The fork in the road is metaphor to explain different paths we ultimately choose based on how we conduct ourselves on a daily basis. The daily routine also contributes to our long term success in love, money and overall happiness.

Let's talk about 'how' we may be unconsciously limiting ourselves and as a result choosing the wrong path.    

We often try to ‘control’ how we think situations, people and ourselves “should” be.

• We can be control junkies, micro-managing every little detail and resist another view point.  We expect others to listen, follow and handle every situation based on our advice rather than what they feel is right.
• We want to control what is said, where to eat, how much to spend, the best way to handle a project, who to invite; oh the list goes on and on.

Sure we know alot, we've had experiences that can be learned from, we want to protect or limit repeated mistakes.  But there is a fine line between caring for our loved ones or helping our employees make the right choice vs. dictating their opportunity to learn, grow and experience too.  Why do we do this, does it make us feel better or fulfill a void we have inside? 

We're also unaware that it may be our thoughts, our ‘thinking’ of how life must unfold that is actually limiting or blocking the flow of Light into our lives. So, we end up on the dark and dreary path, drudging thru the mud.  Each step gets harder and harder all the while draining our physical and emotional energy. It takes so long to get where we want to go or we never get there at all.  We can be creating an overwhelming life for ourselves by trying to do it all.

But, there is light and we can choose an easier path if we let go of the control. 

It might sound as if I’m saying something else you've heard too, “Let Go, Let God” which can be confusing unless you understand what it means. The way I see this is, it’s not entirely up to God; the Light, the Creator, Allah, Spirit, Omni Presence (or however you connect to the source of all good) to hand everything over on a silver platter, we need to do some of the work ourselves. We do need to take some action and may even have to work our butt off on occasion. However, the more we ask for guidance, “please help me to see the bigger picture” and detach from having to control every detail of the process, the more divine assistance we can receive. 

This is the secret, please get this!
Letting go of control + accepting divine guidance + taking ‘natural' steps = more success.

There is Light!

I recently read an article about a young woman who's thoughts we're preventing her happiness.  She was desperate to get pregnant. She was described as Type-A personality (competitive, controlling, impatient and time-conscious). She had a successful business, a wonderful husband, a great social life — she appeared to have it all. Her greatest dream was to have a child, someone to whom she could pass on all of her wisdom and greatness. She had the child’s life all planned out — the best nursery schools, private education, and so forth. However, there was one problem, she was unable to conceive. Regardless of the doctor, acupuncturist or herbalist she sought for advice, no one could help her.

She began seeking spiritual guidance of possible causes for this dilemma. After much inner exploration, she came to the understanding that holding on so tightly to her expectations of what the child must have, must be and must do was quite possibly blocking her from conception. With patience and practicing letting go of the control, she was able to overcome her fixation on the details of the child’s existence, instead she let her thoughts fall on wellness and her growing love for the child rather than how she would be perceived at managing the child's life. Within 2 years she gave birth to twins! 

The lesson here is:

By, unnecessarily, fixating on the details prevented her from getting what she most desired. When she let go of her need to control, she allowed a ‘natural’ process to  unfold her dream. 

Do you feel like you are drudging thru the mud?  Are you trying hard to make it all happen, yet end up getting deeper in the trenches?  I mentioned this earlier and it's worth doing it again, women often get caught up in being overly controlling. It can be wise to look at why this is important and the answer can turn out to be much more valuable. Awareness is the first step to letting this go.

Here's an exercise that can help.

Create a two-columned list. On one side, title it:  Every area in which I am stuck, overwhelmed or frustrated.  Be specific. If it’s money, you can write something like, “I can’t seem to make more than XX a year.” If it’s relationships, write, “My spouse and have so little to talk about these days.

Then in the right column, title it, How I can let go.  You may put in that column, “stop trying to change my spouse" or “stop trying so hard to climb that corporate ladder and find a new career that fits my strengths."  You get the idea.

You can also seek answers this way: 

1. Ask for advice or help from a mentor, friend or in prayer. 

2. Ask yourself, who have I been hurting as a result of not letting go?

3. What benefits am I receiving from holding on so tightly?

4. Is my need to control how I measure my value and contribution?  

The truth is, most of us are a control freak even if only some of the time. But some time or full-time, the results can be the same.  

This week, try letting go of the control that may be holding back from what you most desire.

Remember, you are awesome and you deserve to have love, success, inner peace and whatever else is on your dream list.  You must recognize your value is from within and not by force. You can walk in the light and have an enjoyable journey!

Please share your thoughts about this article below.  I 'listen' to you and truly care about what you have to say, how you feel and what you are most troubled with or  most passionate about..so go ahead and leave a comment below.  

 Dream big and 'try' a little softer…and and remember you are amazing and can do anything you desire!

Teresa Salhi

Dream Maker at Empower The Dream 

You also might like the – Mind, Body, Spirit Salon. It was created to offer tools, activities, soulful guidance and meditations for the budget-minded, busy woman who needs to unwind from overwhelm and discover her divine-ness. The 'Cherish' at-home salon includes a 'letting go' lecture and meditation, plus alot more!