Everybody imagines having the perfect relationship with their partner, and if you’re not currently experiencing that, it can be all too easy to look at your friends who are in happy relationships and be jealous, wondering how they seemingly have it all.
In the meantime, there’s a lot going under the surface when you are in a relationship and it takes a lot of work to get to the “perfect relationship” stage, so here are some tips on making your relationship work:
Finding the right person
Whether you’re actively seeking a partner on dating apps or if you’re just waiting for the world to give you a sign that someone is “the one”, finding a person that will fit what you need isn’t at all an easy task. The first step to a good relationship is realizing that it has to go two ways. You can’t just look for someone who fits exactly what you want and disregard what they want. A healthy, lasting relationship can only be maintained between two people who are mutually compatible. Often, in the first stages of the relationship, it seems like the perfect match – you’re crazy in love and you’re probably ignoring all the red flags that might be popping up. However, for a good relationship to thrive, your life goals and needs have to be aligned. You can’t be with someone if you’re just waiting and expecting them to change their beliefs to match what you want.
Working on yourself
Have you ever found yourself thinking “I’m not good enough for this person”? Or asking yourself why someone would love you? These are signs that you need to work on yourself: your confidence, your overall view of yourself and your worth, as well as things that you think someone won’t like about you. In other words, those things that you think will bother your partner are just a reflection of the things that you don’t like about yourself, and a person who constantly beats themselves up and thinks badly of themselves isn’t an ideal partner. The good part is: this bettering of yourself can be something that you two can do together. For example, if you want to go back to school and get some additional education, you can get VCE notes and your partner can help you study and quiz you. Or, if you want to lead a healthier lifestyle, you can take a healthy cooking class together or go jogging together. You’ll never be content with your partner and your relationship if you’re not first content with yourself. Hiring a love coach can help you greatly in this area.
Communication is key
Anyone in a happy relationship will tell you that the key is good communication. When you openly communicate with your partner, conflicts are resolved much quicker, there is more trust between you two and the relationship thrives.
However, communicating doesn’t just mean speaking your mind: you have to listen as well, and not just the things your partner says, but their body language, their mood and feelings. People express themselves in different ways, so we can circle back to finding the right person: if you’re annoyed with people who give off signs with their body language instead of speaking their mind, then you should look for someone who behaves in that way. Think about it: if you are not honest with each other in a relationship and openly communicating, why are you even in that relationship? Covering up problems and not dealing with them head-on isn’t how you get to a good, healthy partnership.
Everyone likes to feel like they are making progress and getting somewhere with the things they do. Relationships are no different. You should always have some milestones that you are trying to reach together, whether it’s saving up for a vacation, opening a business or adopting a dog. If you have a “I’m content right now and I don’t want anything to change” feeling, that’s not a sign that you shouldn’t strive for bigger things, because, eventually, things will change, and you want them to change for the better.
Having a perfect relationship isn’t about being #couplegoals on Instagram or covering up the things that bother you for the sake of peace in the relationship. It’s about finding someone who will support you through all the adventures you go on, who will help you grow as a person and who won’t be afraid to be their true selves around you. And, when you have a relationship like that, you won’t care if your friends think it’s “the best of the group” – you’ll just know it’s the right one for you.
Teresa Salhi is love and relationship coach for women. She helps them to embrace their femininity and understand the masculine. Single gals go here.
Article by Isabel William