The Dating Life of a Single Parent
Being a parent and dating is something that more and more people are experiencing, with the rise of both divorce rates and children born to parents who aren’t planning to get married. Being a parent is hard enough and you know that you are always putting your child in front of your own needs, but when you feel the space in your heart that a romantic partner could fill, it’s okay to give yourself time to go into the dating world and find that perfect person for yourself, and for your child. In this article, you will find some tips for navigating the dating world as a single parent.
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Set boundaries
This is the most important step and one that encompasses more than you might think. For starters, set the boundaries with your child if they are old enough. Explain to them that you sometimes need time for yourself and that not everything you do needs to be shared with them. If they are old enough to understand dating, you can tell them that you are going on a date, but you don’t have to share anything more than that with them if you don’t want to. Secondly, you need to set boundaries for yourself and the information you share. Whether you disclose you have a kid on the first date or no is your choice, but you should definitely put a filter on how much you talk about your kid – even if they are your whole world. And of course, set boundaries with the person you’re seeing about their role – if there even is one – with your child.
Keep working on yourself
Just like dating at any other time in your life, you want to make sure that you are not only making demands that the other person should meet, but that you are also improving yourself. Whether that means going back to school and getting a degree throughout the e-learning, or working on your own business. Many big cities offer some great courses that will help you succeed in life, like business courses. You should also maintain your appearance because having a child does not give you a free pass to not wash your hair or wear dirty clothes or just not take care of yourself in general. It’s not just for others (although you will have issues getting a date if you don’t look presentable), looking good will boost your confidence and help you get into a self-care routine.
Consider the long run
You meet someone new, they are a great match for you and you love the charismatic and wild side of them, but are they going to make a good co-parent for your kid down the line? It’s all too easy to see someone who has a very unrooted life and to want to be with them so you can be like them because you’re attracted to the freedom that parenting just doesn’t allow. However, you have to think about your kid and how your relationship might affect them in the long run. If they are old enough and going away for college soon, you might have a bit more freedom, but if they are still young, you have to be all the more careful with your choices.
Let go of the negative feelings
Parenting is complicated and you might be feeling a thousand different emotions at once. These are the things you need to learn to let go of. First, there’s the pressure of finding someone. Being a single parent is hard and whether that pressure is coming from yourself, your family, or society’s expectations, it can become overwhelming and push you into the dating world when you are not ready. Secondly, you want to let go of the guilt that you might feel for leaving your child when you go on a date. It’s okay not to be with them every second of the day – you deserve your own time. These and all the other negative feelings are something that you can work through in time, and you can consider talking to a professional to get some help getting through it.
Dating is difficult at every step of our lives, not only when we’re parents, and you want to find a balance between your home life and your dating life, possibly eventually merging them together. But most importantly, you want to follow your gut and make the right decision for your family.
Article by Isabel Williams, Education & Lifestyle Blogger
